Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize