Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
