if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
