If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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