I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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