Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
