yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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