you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
