we have pet lesbian snakes
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
