I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
