A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My vagina just recognized that song.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
