im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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