btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
