I think I died a long time ago.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
