i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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