Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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