hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize