did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Bring me that man meat
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
