i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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