I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
