I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
