just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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