Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
