It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
