Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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