hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
