even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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