Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
