I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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