She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
