woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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