he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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