Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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