Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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