She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Rumble strips road head = magical
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
