Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
