my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
