I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
