I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
MIDGETS
????
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
