i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
