So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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