med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
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His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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