I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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