I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
