Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
