If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
