it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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