i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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