You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
