Your tits are I can't wait for
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
