We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
we made out on top of his cat.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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