Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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