so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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