Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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