Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
