worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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