Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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