ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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