I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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