i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
All the doctor said was why
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
