I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize