just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
