I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
