forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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