he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize