Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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