We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
