He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
