I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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