I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
