Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
