Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize