mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
